Meet My Walter Pillow

Meet my Walter pillow.

In the world of grief work, this is called an anchor item; a physical object that provides comfort and grief and connects you to something that’s been lost.

In my world, I call it comfort and a hug from Walter.

Before Walter died, I’d gotten rid of most of his clothes. Everyone does their grief path differently and I cleared out closets and drawers of things he’d no longer wear and blessed others with the clothing. I knew I did not want more “to dos” when he died and in my anticipatory grief, doing gave me comfort.

There were things I did keep. One of them was this sweater. If you knew Walter, you’d seen him in this style of shirt. He had about five of them.

Right after he died, I put the sweater on a pillow and placed it on my bed. I held that pillow and sobbed and “held him” many times in the early stages of my grief process. When I’d hold that pillow and wrap the arms around me, I could feel Walter. I felt held by him.

When he was alive, I’d pressed my face against his chest while he was wearing that sweater. He’d wrap his arms around me and I’d sink into the arms of my man. Muscle memory correlates the feel of this sweater with love, comfort and protection. Even as I type this, I can bring my mind back to those moments of comfort.

My grief work includes this pillow. There are times when I ask my body, “What do you need?” I’ll hear, “a hug.” I’ll go lay down on my bed, wrap the arms of that sweater around me and sink into his arms.

Recently, in a flood of grief, I was on the bed with the sweater’s arms wrapped around me and my face buried in its chest. I could feel the fibers pressed against my cheeks and nose and in my imagination, I could feel the heat of Walter. Jasper (one of my cats) came up and laid on the other side of the pillow pressing his warmth against my arm. We made a Walter sandwich. Cleo (my other cat) curled up near my feet. As I cried, she gave my toes periodic licks to let me know she was there. I know that they wanted to be with me to provide comfort but they also wanted to be with Walter. They, too, miss his physical comfort. We all loved his big hands.

He was there with all of us. I could feel his energy and so could they.

Anchor items are beneficial when you are grieving. They are the transitional piece that can keep a loved one present in the midst of loss. Most days, I don’t even see the pillow. It’s just on the bed. Other days, the pillow is what I need for another layer of healing.

Do you have an anchor item?